Docile Dominance
The power of presumed purity
The battle of the sexes is an age old war that shows no signs of abatement. Are women oppressed by the patriarchy? Are men emasculated by an increasingly feministic culture? Often, experiences, philosophic beliefs (religious and secular alike), cultural attitudes, and social convention define how individuals answer these questions.
Being human, the experiential and philosophic are deeply interconnected. Thus, the ways in which cultures and individuals understand relationships between the sexes are often in tension.
In many ways, the power struggle that characterizes male/female relationships obscures reality. Men and women are simultaneously similar and yet nothing alike. The masculine and feminine are perceived as polar opposites, but both are necessary to humanity’s advancement.
Currently, each sex can point to legitimate cultural stereotypes that cause tangible, gender based harm. Men and women often seek self-righteousness, forgetful of how both sexes are comprised of flawed people. All are equal in their capacity for good and evil.
The poem below was inspired by an encounter I had that assisted my understanding of equality between the sexes. As a girl, I was socialized among women and, as one would expect, I associated sexual predation with male behavior. At age 22 understanding rape outside the context of male aggression was something I had yet to consider.
Then, one day I spoke with a friend who shared a story I never forgot. This conversation alone planted a seed in my mind, helping me to understand the truth of relational power more fully than I had before.
I remain grateful for the insight this story contained, and titled the poem based on the unexplored ways in which the assumption of female purity can be exploited.
Docile Dominance
His smile was the same as the day before
But beneath this façade his eyes revealed
Internally he fought a silent war
Stoically he kept his feelings concealed
Work provided the essential escape
His hands worked fast, sandwiches to make
As if in this act of creation
Reality could be turned to fiction
His voice was as cheerful as ever
No hint of anger escaped his lips
Still, I could see feigned pleasure
Truth he covered yet remained in conflict
Fearfully, I asked him “how was your day?
In spite of your efforts, you don’t seem OK”
His demeanor remained stoic and unchanged
As moments passed, from speaking he refrained
The air was still as neither party spoke
Until this long silence be broke
“I went to a house party one day
To avoid a possible DUI
I spent the night to leave at morning’s ray
In the dark of night, I awoke to her cry
I looked up and beheld her blue eyes
Atop my body she sat tall and nude
I gave her a look of shock and surprise
My astonishment to her was rude
Before I could speak what was on my mind
She informed me her actions were kind
Observing her beauty she winked and said
“You’re a man, you wanted me in your bed”
With this his words drifted off in the air
His hands stopped work into the distance he stared
My mind searched for a comforting thought
As I pondered, I observed he was distraught
After silence lingered for some time
I whispered the only words I could say
“What she did to you was surely a crime
She should face the law for treating you as prey”
Reflexively he chuckled and sighed
“She is slender pretty and appears kind
What kind of a law man would take my side?
Society is blind to her side of crimes
If I were to report what is true
Her story and tears will garner empathy
Reality would not be pursued
They will surely trust her memory
When she weeps, wails and cries
They will believe all her lies
It is I who would be convicted of crime
Such is the reality of our times”
I ruminated on the words he spoke
And allowed silence to fill the air
I had failed to consider this side
An aspect of reality I had denied